ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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