Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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