he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
