so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
