I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
So vagazzling was a success
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