They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
