OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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