It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
