Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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