he wants to bone in the snuggie
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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