Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Who died my cat blue again?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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