HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
