wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
this is an emotional support booty call
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
