Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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