Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
