In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
