He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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