Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
