Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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