Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
