I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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