Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
