i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Blood and glitter go together right?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
