I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
