Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Ladies don't puke and tell
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
