he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
