Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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