hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
