actually, I'm a sock model
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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