i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
