Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
