I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
