I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
