I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
