worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
it's like iHOP with fire
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
