it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
