dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
