I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Randomize
