yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
