What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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