all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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