Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Randomize
