There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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