What did we do last night that was yellow?
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Banned from zoo.
Again?
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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