remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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