i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I'm having to shit out rocks
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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