i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
