it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
her facebook's as public as her vagina
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
