there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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