when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Randomize
