I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
