if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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