went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
