New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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